omfgzmakayla

I miss you,

Mon, 03 Aug 2009 05:15:14 GMT

Lisa-Marie Miles.

I love you,

Tue, 14 Jul 2009 02:33:24 GMT

that's how I feel. I don't care how anyone else feels, you are mine and I am yours.
And that's how it's gonna stay :)

<3

Babygirl

Wed, 10 Jun 2009 05:31:55 GMT

So lately I've been doing great. I think I've found that one that can make me smile, he's nothing shy of perfect. He knows how to make my cheeks hurt, and knows how to make me laugh until my tummy hurts. He listens to what I have to say and is just down right amazing. The way we started talking wasn't what I planned on, but I'm glad it happened. We're the weirdest people ever and we really don't care what you think. I know he likes me, and he's well aware I like him back. At this moment I wouldn't wanna know what my life would be like without him, because before we started talking. I was so sad, I had been fucked over three times in a row, and I lost my grandfather. I actually trust him and believe what he has to say. I really enjoy being around him, and just his smile makes me smile. I can sit there and stare into his eyes for a long ass time because when I look into them I know that, that person truly cares about me and the words he tells me gives me confidence. I know he's my boo and I'm his boo thang and I wouldn't have it any other way. Oh by the way, his name is Caleb Penning AKA muh boo :)

April 23, 2009

Thu, 23 Apr 2009 06:07:20 GMT

This isn't fucking real. This wasn't supposed to happen, you weren't supposed to leave. Grandpa Earl I miss you so much, and as much as I say that I know it will never bring you back as much as I want to. I'm trying so hard to pull it together for you, but I can't. I just want you to come back, I wanna know you're home asleep, not gone. I'll never forget the times we shared together or the ways you've helped me grown into the person I am today. Which I am so proud to be. You always knew how to put a huge smile on my face, and laugh until I cried. Papa I just wish you didn't go, I just want this to be a nightmare and I'll wake up any minute. But I know it's not, I have to face reality knowing that one of the greatest people in my life is gone. The times we had were unforgettable, there is so many things that I look at that remind me of you. I miss the way you'd pick on me and embarrass me in restaurants by singing country songs on the top of your lungs so the whole place would look at us, and I knew you did those things just to see me smile and laugh because I knew you loved to make me happy. You made sure I had everything my little heart desired and now I'd give all of those back just to have you. We were supposed to take a trip up to Portland to see your best friend who's probably hurting just as much as I am, but I know that'll never happen now. I'm still trying to cope with this, trying so so so hard. I just want to hear you scratchy laugh and hear you call me gofer, even though I never understood why you did. But it always made me smile. I'm going to miss walking around and just dropping by to say I love you. Today when they brought you out of the house and put you in the van I couldn't stop crying. I was to the point of choking. Well I know you wouldn't want me to sit here and sob about this, and I'll try so hard not too. Just know Grandpa I love you till my dying day, and I'll think about you everyday of my life. And I miss you every second...
P.S. I got my license today, thank you for helping me. I love you so much. Rest in peace, please.

Nervous System

Tue, 14 Apr 2009 16:23:28 GMT

Living in this world we learn a lot of things. We go through and overcome some really tough times, and that makes us who we are today. Sometimes we like the changes, and sometimes we wish that we just locked ourselves in our bedroom, never walked outside, or answered the phone. Except, we must live with the way we are. Sure, you can change who you are, at this moment. But you can’t change the way things happened, the way they worked out. Which can either scar you for the rest of your life, or not.

In my case, I got over him. But not what he did to me. My trust with anyone is now shot because I feel I will end up the same way every time, cheated on and hurt. It’s hard when you know you loved someone, and they pretty much just give you a giant slap to the face. And I know everyone isn’t like he was/still is, but I feel it will be that way again. You give your heart to someone for them to have it for the rest of their days. Until one day, unexpectedly, you get that phone call, that text, or the “we need to talk” message.

I just wish, the day I met him. I would have not left my house.

Now I must deal with this feeling for the rest of my life.

Thank you so much.

1 hour

Tue, 14 Apr 2009 05:27:18 GMT

In the back of my mind I want to throw in the towel, for the rest of my life. I'm tired of being put through this. Sure complaining about this subject isn't worth it. But it's hard, when you put yourself out on the table. For someone to take you and have you, and tell you all the cute little things they can say into your ear. Yet you believe them, and think this is it. Until you realize this isn't it, it's only the beginning of something great. Or something terrible. But only you can make the outcome of that, or the person you try to become one with. Because once you hand your heart off to another, they have a piece of your heart that they can either keep to themselves for the rest of their lives or smash it into a million pieces. But me, I want someone who will hold my heart, and show it off that they have it and that I have theirs too. I haven't had a good person like that since like two years ago and I don't even remember the happy feeling, all I remember is the pain and the disappointment, and I realize all I'm doing with this is rambling with my one hour of sleep in two days. It's just some thoughts that popped into my head and onto this LiveJournal as I kept going. I need rest. I'm losing it.

Richard Aidan Stevens

Sat, 07 Feb 2009 01:05:57 GMT

Febuary 6, 2009
5:55 AM
Was the first time I saw your face, and heard your voice.
I'm so greatful to have seen you be born and have you be apart of my family,
You 15 lbs. and 13 oz. of joy.

Welcome to this world little one,
You make me so happy already.

I can already tell
this is going to be an amazing bond.
Between you, and Auntie Makayla Renee'.

I love you, and I'm glad you're finally here.
I can't wait to watch you grow into an amazing boy and man.
:]

Life has

Sat, 31 Jan 2009 06:33:14 GMT

changed.

I'm happy :]

Friends :D

Sat, 17 Jan 2009 05:51:12 GMT

So I'm sitting in my garage with all my friends and it's amazing. I have so many people in my life that I can depend on and have my back. I know my who my true friends are, and who aren't my real friends. That I frankly don't need in my life. I'm sitting next to MY BFF GREG(i love you!) he's always got my back, and even though I haven't talked to him in days! He's my nigga :D I just love my friends! Dinosuars go rawr, says Greg :]

Posted via LiveJournal.app.

Hey

Fri, 19 Dec 2008 00:31:44 GMT

Donnie sucks:]

Just kiddddding!

Positive or negative?

Thu, 18 Dec 2008 03:26:24 GMT

I look at myself so negatively,
but you try to make me look at myself more positive.
Why is negative taking over positive?

Oh yeah! Cause I am ALL negative.
I hope that changes.

Dear asshole,

Tue, 02 Dec 2008 01:55:18 GMT

If anything fucking happens to her,
I'll hunt you down and kill you.

No joke.

;;;;;;

Tue, 02 Dec 2008 01:54:10 GMT

Stay the fuck out of my life,
your the biggest lowlife I've EVER met.
Don't even think about talking to me ever again.
Fucking sucks I can be such a nice person.

Can someone pinch me?

Sun, 19 Oct 2008 07:15:24 GMT

No this isn't a dream, my life is actually getting better. I've been waiting for this for awhile. Let me explain. Well my birthday was on the 17th and I can say I have some of the greatest people in my life. I couldn't have never asked for better, and I wouldn't ask for better. I'm starting to actually put on a smile on a daily basis, schools going great, I passed my DMV test, I'm going to frightfest tomorrow, can life getting any better? And I'm starting to talk to people I haven't talked to in awhile. My life is just amazing.

P.S. I'm finallllllllly off groundation!
:D

Boys

Thu, 09 Oct 2008 00:22:54 GMT

sucksucksucksucksucksucksuck!
:D

2007>2008

Wed, 08 Oct 2008 07:19:24 GMT

Okay so remember how I said 2008 was gonna be the best year ever? Yeah I lied, pretty much the whole year I've been grounded because I'm an idiot. I can't do anything right lately. I try to be the best person I can be, but it never works out. I just feel like a big let down 99.9% of the time. I've done things I shouldn't have done, even some I regret. I used to live by no regrets but really thats all I have now. And being grounded all the time just leads me to focus on my regrets more, which sucks. But I know all the bad things aren't worth it, they aren't worth it at all anymore, I know my parents care about me and love me and I'm stupid for not listening to them. So no I'm not one of the immature kids that hate their parents because they don't let them get drunk, smoke, etc. I'm actually thankful for my parents to care enough to care about how I'm doing and making sure I'm not passed out somewhere on the streets. But besides my talk about how thankful I am. I'm glad I'm still alive, last time I drank my mother thought I had alcohol poisoning. She told me the next morning(because I couldn't comprehend anything that night). After that I felt like complete shit, because really who wants to scare their mother so bad to the point she's picturing you getting your stomach pumped in a emergency room? I know I did, but I never want to do that again. She loves and cares for me so much that, that picture in her head killed her inside. I know it. So from here on out after getting off groundation. I plan on not being so stupid, not so immature. Because my 16th birthday is only a couple days away. So that means I need to get it together, I need to grow up.

Over it.

Sat, 23 Aug 2008 08:16:59 GMT

I know I'm not the cutest thing ever, I know I'm thick, I know my laugh can get annoying.

But I just want to be in love. I actually want that "High School Romance" thing. I want someone to call mine. I want someone that I can call in the middle of the night just to tell them I was thinking about them, and doesn't care if i call them when I wake up and he's still sleeping to tell him goodmorning. I want someone who will surprise me before I even wake up and be there when I do cause my mama let him in haha. I want someone to ride bikes with me on sunny days, and relax at a park when we get tired. I want someone who will let me wear his coat when I'm freezing, and he holds on to me for warmth. I want someone who will show me off to his friends like I'm the best thing he's ever laid eyes on. I want someone who will sit on the couch with me and argue about whats going to happen in the next scene of a movie. I want someone who will go to shows with me and headbang/mosh with me. But mostly I want someone who will not be all nervous to show me to his parents, and will get along with my family and friends. I want to give love another shot, because I believe there is someone out there for me. I'm tired of being single, it's getting to be really dumb. Like I see all these people around me with their boyfriend/girlfriend, and I just sit there. Hopefully he'll pop out of somewhere, hopefully.
:D

outerspace?

Tue, 19 Aug 2008 04:02:58 GMT

Life is such a blur as of right now. Why do I feel like I'm not really here on this earth... Why do I feel I'm in a dream, and I'm not waking up? Like I don't feel right, I feel like my life all of a sudden.. is just weird. My life was perfect my Freshman year. That was one amazing year, my sophmore year is pretty much shit. I'm getting more and more friends, which is good I guess. But relationships seriously suck. Like I feel I'm never going to be in another relationship. Like I can't find the "right one" for me. It never feels right. I want someone to come into my life and change the whole way I think. Because how I feel now a days, I'm not really diggin it. Here I've got a word for how I feel, surreal. Or like I'm in somekind of The Truman Show kind of shit. I just need someone to help me out of this. I'm losing it...

I need help, maybe find a state of mind...?
://///

23456986

Sat, 09 Aug 2008 23:30:19 GMT

Why do I care so much? If you don't even care at all. I always poor my heart out and I always get one or two word answers. It matters so much to me, because I actually care. But from now on.

Its not up to me anymore,
if you want me in your life
you find a way to put me in there.

Wed, 09 Jul 2008 08:51:10 GMT

Ok so, summer is almost over. Like I don't want to go back to school, but then again I kinda do. This summer hasn't really been the "summer of a lifetime" but it's been good. I've made good with everyone in my life, except the people I really don't care if they like me or not. I'm single, and its suckinnn. Like I've heard that guys think I'm cute and all, but they never make a move. My eyesight is TERRIBLE, I need new glasses ASAP. My dad thinks I'm a dirtbag, but hey whats new. I'm just pretty much, not ready for school.

outlook

Tue, 11 Mar 2008 05:39:31 GMT

wow, already almost summer time. that means shiano coming down for like a month, walking down to the luckys shopping center almost everyday, and riding my new cruiser that i'm getting in a couple days. how could life get any better? i dont know but i'm sure as hell loving mine. i dont have to go to bed early tonight because i dont have to be at school till 11:30 tomorrow:] which means ill wake up around ten and just chill at my house. soon ill be getting new glasses because these ones suck so bad, because my vision just keeps getting worse and worse. i also get a new phone in may! and i get to go to hawaii. yay! and also i couldnt forget all the amazing friends i have in my life. haley, my bffl whom has been there pretty much my whole life and no matter what has stuck by my side, shiano, ellie, drina, meesha, casey, sara, taylor, jessica, angela, ashley, JW ,greg, ian, lukas, and cristobal. oh oh and maybe sara will drop by this summer:D which will be be helllla amazing because last time we saw eachother we wanted to rip one anothers necks out, but its all good now. than ill probably stay out in modesto for a couple of days if casey's mama loves me and wants to pick me up;] lol goddddd this summer will be so tight! i just cant wait. good friends, great days/nights, and fantastic vibes. maybe next summer ill look at this journal entry and laugh at myself:]

i love my life, i live my life, and i learn from life.

this shit

Sun, 13 Jan 2008 19:01:49 GMT

is annoying beyond compare. why don't you just go back out with her already, i can tell you two want too. you guys are always together, and your parents are like best friends. just go back out, like you two haven't before its nothing new for you guys just do it! its fusrating.

the truth

Thu, 06 Dec 2007 07:38:29 GMT

"Did you know before MTV, ugly people could sell records based on their talent? Did you know that the U.S. has killed over half a million(654,965) civillians in Iraq since 2003. Did you know we lready have the technology to quit using oil and fossil fuels as an energy source? Did you know there is no law in the IRS tax code that says you have to pay imcome tax? Did you know that there is no evidence that HIV causes AIDS, and that close to half the people with AIDS on the planet don't even have HIV? Did you know that 87% of high school graduates do not know what the role of the senate and congress is? Did you know that the dollar is worth only 4 cents today? Did you know the federal reserve is a private bank who charges the government interest on the money they print and that its owners identities are kept secret? Did you know that the Taliban refused to continue growing opium for the CIA just six weeks before we invaded Afghanistan? Did you know the US government admitted to conducted mind contol experiments on American citizens? Did you know that after we defeated the Germans in World War II we employed over 600 of their psychological warfare scientists and propaganda here in the states?"

finally;

Sat, 01 Dec 2007 04:02:55 GMT

for once in my life, i'm content. i feel no need to be sad or to feel lonely. well for right now at least, well the kinda sorta bad part is that; its around christmas and i'm losing all my family to drugs and distance. it feels as if i have NO family anymore. my friends are pretty much the only family i have. and right now my hair is HELLA greasey and james is putting something in it, and i cant even feel it, thats the sad part. lmao. yeahhhh my grandparents are also over and i got new shoes, they are shiney. ill do another livejournal entry when no ones here cause james is getting bored i think welll goodbye :D

wow

Mon, 12 Nov 2007 23:23:06 GMT

i havent posted one of these in awhile, and in that while life has sure changed a lot. i got a new boyfriend named james, and a lot of shit has gone down. i found out something horrible about my mother, that i dont wanna share and it just makes me sad. and life is just plain sucking right now, i'm failing school and i need to focus.